Overheard Starbuck

"Did you find out what he's been doing?"
---"He said he's working on the relationship between organized crime and government. ... He's quantified factors shared by gangs and governments where a greater than chance correlation exists--I don't know if I have this right-- he's working on a formula that'll predict any department or program's involvement in organized corruption."
"Did you call his mother? You have her number?"
---"No."
"Why not?"
---"He might be onto something."
"With friends like you..."
---"He's been eating and bathing and watching tv."
"He never graduated from college!"
---"And you never took a final exam your frat didn't have the answers to beforehand."
"Hey! I told you that in confidence."
---"You told me that when you were hammered. Remember? That Friday after Melissa dumped you for that buzz-cut boiler-room dude with the pinkie ring."
"You mean the hedge-fund analyst with the Lexus, the apartment overlooking Michigan Avenue and the condo on the lake in New Buffalo?"
---"Is that how she described him? ... You poor sap."
"I'm happy she's happy."
---"Stop it."
"She followed her bliss..."
---"I'll have to kill you."
"Found her soulmate."
---"Seriously."